On Being Fully Devoted to Your Wife

On Being Fully Devoted to Your Wife

It is one thing to get the interpretation of “the husband of one wife” down pat. It is quite another to actually be a one-woman man. I don’t purport to have all the answers with this issue; just ask Judy! Nevertheless, I do wish to share some observations regarding how I can be fully devoted to my one wife. I hope these will be helpful, some even critical. I give them in random order.

1. Being fully devoted to your wife does not happen overnight. So relax; be patient. Not lethargic, but persistent.

2. Being fully devoted to your wife is not natural. Self-centeredness, arrogance, and illicit pleasure are natural.

3. Demonstrate public loyalty to your wife. Always speak highly of her to others.

4. Refrain from interrupting her. Look at her when she speaks. Smile.

5. Do the little things such as opening doors, extending your arm, seating her, helping her with her coat, not beginning to eat until she is seated and ready, etc. Chivalry is never out of style.

6. Accommodate her little idiosyncrasies. Pay attention to the small details that are important to her, even though they may seem silly to you.

7. Make her wish your command whenever possible. Does she want to spend a quiet evening just with you? Do it. Does she think jeans are inappropriate garb for the dinner party? Change. This is not always possible or wise. But hopefully you get the idea. Put her first.

8. Get to know her. This means you will have to be observant and may have to ask her questions. After several decades you may be able to read her mind! Learn how she thinks; what makes her sad or happy; what her fears are; what she most values, and etc. Then act on this knowledge.

9. Do not stare at, flirt with, inappropriately touch, or be overly chummy with other women. Eyes forward. Avoid comparing her unfavorably with other women.

10. Tell her often how fortunate you are that she said yes to your proposal. I suggest this even if it might be stretching the truth somewhat. You can afford to be generous here.

11. Determine to be faithful to your wedding vows at all costs. Of course this alone is not enough. You must follow-up with a specific plan of action regarding how you will do this on a regular basis. This need not be written, but you must be conscience of it. Frankly, guys, this shouldn’t be difficult; your word is at stake.

12. Grow in your personal relationship with the Lord. This must be a priority. Your relationship with Christ is the most important relationship in your marriage. This too must be attacked specifically. Read and study your Bible regularly. Pray regularly. Serve others in the body of Christ. Extend compassion to the less fortunate. Become a member of and worship regularly at a solid church. Tangibly serve Christ through the auspices of your church. Honor God with your money by managing and giving it faithfully. Think Christ’s thoughts. Embrace his values. Publicly identify with him. Declare the gospel to others.

13. Tell her often that she is number one with you. She needs to be assured of this and of your love for her. Thus, you must demonstrate it with your choices.

14. Consult her first – before your parents, your siblings, and your friends. Value her opinion, even if it is off base.

15. Confide in her above all others. Share your fears, failures, dreams, joys, weaknesses, or hair-brained ideas. Don’t be afraid to cry or laugh or fume in her presence. Hopefully she will not get out the saw when you go out on a limb by opening up to her. But if she does, just remember that it is a short fall.

16. Make time for her. Time for the two of you alone together; time to do or not do almost anything that brings her joy. Time for her to be alone to do whatever she wants. It is about her not you.

17. Never treat her like a possession. Remember, she is a person of worth in her own right totally separate from you. There is a vast difference between treating her like the valuable gift from God she is and treating her like a prize you won at the county fair.

18. Value and utilize her skills, abilities, and sensitivities. She possesses wisdom in specific matters, some of which elude you. In some areas she can do things you can only dream of.

19. Pray with her. Oneness means you share common spiritual interests.

20. Somehow, make sure she has some money to spend however she wants and whenever she wants. She should not have to come to you for a hand out. Depending on your financial situation this need not and perhaps cannot be a lot. The amount is not the point.

21. Become her loving leader. She wants this most of all. Don’t abrogate your responsibilities. You are the chief officer of discipline, of education, of finance, of love, of spiritual formation, of family worship, of decision making, of future planning. So get busy.

 © Copyright. Joseph Flatt. 2016. All rights reserved. May be used for educational purposes without written permission but with a citation to this source